I find myself … humbled

For the last few years, I have held the belief that learning to program is like riding a bike. Although I have not professionally developed in ~3 years, I still “understand” software (go ahead and ask me what SDK or API stands for). I know all the basic constructs, I know what an array is, recursion, inheritance, and all of those good words you learn in school and don’t really use in the real world.

As a result, I have always been sure when the time came for me to make something real (and I don’t mean the random PHP & CSS hacking I’ve done keeping my various blogs alive), I would spend a week learning a new syntax … and then boom … the next Google.

Yet, as I sit here listening to this online instructor drone on and the blindingly white screen of the IDE I have open stares at me … I just don’t want to.

Yes … I didn’t realize that the reason I chose to change my career and stop developing software is because … I don’t want to code.

But, then I question if that is a cop out and the fact is that I just am not that great of a developer. Is it true that even though I did it for years, I just don’t have what it takes to dedicate my life to coding?

Sure, there are moments when something I do comes to life and I am partially filled with the excitement I had in high school as I got “Hello, World” to print across my screen for the first time. But for the most part, as I suffer through these new languages with foreign constructs and an alien way of managing type safety … I groan.

Alas, I’m committed to staying minimally proficient and not squandering my ability to birth digital life … so I will persevere. But … at least I have a public sounding board to document my moment of pain.